Lessons Learned

Learning how to let people think and believe whatever they want about me and trust the Lord to do His will. It is not my name that needs to be honored.  Behold, the beautiful freedom of not needing to explain oneself.

Hartford Hospital & The Spirit of Adoption

Went on my first hospital prayer visit for a non-relative tonight. In fact, I'd never met the guy.

Sat alone in tiny Neurology room--clearly not made for visitors--in the chair that I had pulled out from the corner. Crossed legs. Set bag on floor. Looked at the stranger...

...but he didn't seem like a stranger. Maybe it was because he was in a medically induced coma and therefore unable to respond and make it clear that we'd never even seen each other before... but there was something more. Something that goes beyond common connections made by human interactions. Something deeper than proper introductions and "getting to know you" small talk. I wasn't looking at a stranger. I was looking at my new brother. A regular visitor to my parents' church--newly saved.

Tonight I had the opportunity to experience the bond of family that the Holy Spirit creates--no words or team-building/experience sharing strings attached. The spirit of adoption. Man was it powerful.

When we interact again someday...and speak face to face...I wonder if we'll sense it... or if it will get swept away with the ways of the world.

"Lord.... Lord. I don't know what I'm doing."

I got a few jumbled, awkward, silent words together...

Felt the stirring of compassion...but nothing clear to focus on and pray for.

I opened my tiny pink Bible.

Flipped through a few scripture-filled note cards, barely glancing at their contents, when one unmistakably jumped out at me:

"My life is hid with Christ in God. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who liveth in me." (Col. 3:3)

My whole chest and tummy grew warm.

"Excuse me?" A doctor lady entered in the room... checked a few stats... introduced herself and asked who I was.

She looked at a list and didn't see my name. I didn't want to go yet...but it was really time to give Sue a turn.

"Who gave you permission to be here?"

"His mother," I replied. "She just called in to add us to the list--me and Sue"

"Who did she call?"

"The front desk..." ...?... "I mean.. the nurses' center"

She walked away to check.

I waited for her to come back before getting back into prayer... but she didn't come. It was time to let Sue have a chance... but I didn't want this woman to think that I was running because I had lied about being there!

"Oh well... I'll see if she's still at the desk." 

She was.  I waited until I got her attention and then asked if everything checked out. She reassuringly said yes and apologized.  She looked at the clock asked how long I'd be staying.

"I'm going to let Sue come in now... Her daughter.. is... out there…" (My true eloquence was shining through).

I turned and walked to the door.

"She seems sweet," were the words spoken behind me.

Drama, drama, drama

During a textversation with Pamcakes this afternoon, I finally accepted and admitted that I really am a "Drama Queen".

What a shocker, righttt?! Something my parents have been saying since I was 2...but I refused to accept it! Drama is messy. Drama is stressful. Drama is exhausting. Drama robs life of peace. Drama can lead to broken relationships and friendships. Who in their right mind would seek it out...let alone create it?! Oh right...I would.

I thrive on it! The good, the bad... (preferably the "good," the bad is quite stressful--but hey, gotta get that fix somehow!) Life is so uninteresting when the blood isn't flowing. Must be an adrenaline/sensory-stimulation thing. Gee.. thanks... Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. This learning to just "be" can be quite a humbug at times for people like me--where's the thrill?! Where's the drama?! Where's the adventure? Where are the problems to be solved?! The people to meet?! The feelings to be felt?! GAHHHH.  Time for a nap.

CAUGHT!

My boss: "Are you eating candy for lunch?"
Me: (...Slow, sheepish turn towards her...)
My boss: "Come on." (Grabs wallet and heads out the door) "Let's go for a walk outside and grab some lunch"
Me: (Traipsing after her) "I...I...I....I ran out of time this morning and thought to myself, 'I have healthy Caitlin cookies and candy in my bag!'--it just wasn't worth it." (Following her up the stairs & through the parking lot) "And...and...they're shaped like cute little bunnies--!"
My boss: "I remember when I could eat candy for lunch"
Me: "...I was going to grab a bagel from the freezer in the break-room if things got desperate! --- Really?"
My boss: "I was..." (thinks for a minute) "28."
Me: "I have three more years!" (fist pump)

Dear candidate(s),

Thank you for your interest!  

Please consider the following before inquiring:

1. I am looking for a husband.
2. I do not trust men but I want to learn to.
3. I do not want to have sex in any form until marriage. The ideal candidate will desire purity even more than I.
4. I am emotionally high maintenance. 
5. Most importantly, I need the man I marry to know the Lord and His unconditional love.   

If you would still like to recommend yourself for consideration, please submit a resume and cover letter requesting an interview. All inquiries will be reviewed and responded to in a timely fashion. 

May the Lord bless you with a wife that holds the wisdom, grace, and talent found in the woman described in Proverbs 31. 

Fondly,

This girl

My Heart, My Heart, I get to see My Heart
My Heart, My Heart, I get to see My Heart
Got to get dressed... so I can get My Heart

My Heart, My Heart, I get to see My Heart
My Heart, My Heart, I get to see My Heart
Helping at St. Steve's... then I can get My Heart

My Heart, My Heart, I get to see My Heart
My Heart, My Heart, I get to see My Heart
Air mattress from Mama, so she doesn't sleep with me!

My Heart, My Heart, I get to see My Heart
My Heart, My Heart, I get to see My Heart
Got to get dressed... so I can get My Heart

:) The End.